"The Call to Marriage is Also a Vocation" - St. John Paul II

I was enjoying an afternoon run with a friend of mine and, as we ran along, he recounted his experience attending the first Mass of a priest friend of his. At the conclusion of the Mass, his priest friend had remarked, “I became a priest because I love Jesus so much!” Striding along, my friend remarked, “That is a terrible reason to become a priest, I love Jesus, too.” For us get-in-exercise when you can, husband-fathers, he's got a point. We, too, love Jesus. For you see, the priest at the end of His First Mass, had everything right. You should become a priest because you love Jesus so much. That same love for Jesus is also the underlying motivation one ought to have when discerning married life in the Catholic Church. And that is where we arrive in an area that deserves some more reflection.

As a young man who frequented Church as a member of my large Catholic family, I had a relentless stream of people throughout my years of childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood who told me I would make a great priest. On the other hand, I could almost count on one hand the number of people who ever told me I would make a great husband and father. Once when asking my spiritual director about this perplexing reality he stated, “It's because of a lack of imagination, John. They see a young man praying and they assume, priest!” I have frequently found his insight, sadly, to be the case. God, I have discovered, has a bigger imagination and Our Heavenly Father seems to dream of a world in which young men and women don't just “happen” to get married but know they are called by the Lord himself to make a sincere gift of themselves in love through the vocation of marriage.

As we celebrate National Vocation Awareness Week, I am delighted to see young men and women responding to God's invitation to consider, discern, and commit to giving their lives uniquely to Christ as priests, deacons, and consecrated religious. Knowing close family members and friends along this journey, priestly and religious life provides a joyous way in which to devote one's life to God, the Church, and the world. A challenge arises, though, when the term “vocation” gets used in a way in many Catholic settings that implicitly states that vocations only apply to clergy and religious. So when I am at a parish that has a “prayer for vocations” that goes something like “Dear God, please give us many priests and religious, and please bless our families so they can give us more priests and religious, Amen!” I pray along and let out a little sigh, because it just seems likely that whoever composed this prayer we are praying hadn't ever encountered someone who truly discerned marriage as a vocation.

As a priest and bishop, Karol Wojtyla was deeply impacted by the vocational discernment of his friend, Jerzy Ciesielski. St. John Paul II wrote, “He knew he had been 'created for greater things'...And at the same time, he had no doubt that his vocation was neither to priesthood nor to religious life. He knew he was called to remain in the secular world” (Crossing the Threshold of Hope, 122). It wasn't just this reality of knowing that he wasn't called to the priestly or the religious life, but, in particular, the way in which Jerzy discerned marriage that left a lifelong impression on St. John Paul II. He recounted:

“He sought a companion for his life and sought her on his knees, in prayer. I will never forget the conversation in which, after a special day of retreat, he said to me: 'I think that this is the woman who should be my wife, that it is God who has given her to me.'” (Crossing the Threshold of Hope, 122).

When following the call to marriage, it is not just one's personal wishes, but the call of God that one is responding to. St. John Paul II writes, “When Christ says "Follow me", his call can mean: "I call you to still another love"; but very often it means: "Follow me", follow me who am the Bridegroom of the Church who is my bride; come, you too become the bridegroom of your bride, you too become the bride of your spouse" (Dilecti Amici, 10).

As a college student, I was blown away by a conversation I had with a husband-father who shared that as a husband, he is called to love and give his life to Christ (through his wife). I realized in that conversation that I wasn't choosing between God (priesthood and religious life) and some person (marriage), but that the way in which I would devote myself to God would make itself manifest in my vocation. In marriage, I too, choose to give my life to Christ – through making a gift of myself to my spouse.

As a young person discerning, a deep understanding of marriage as a vocation and a call to “greater things” is essential to truly prepare for this sacrament. St. John Paul II shared that remote preparation (i.e. from the earliest years of life) necessarily includes, “solid spiritual and catechetical formation that will show that marriage is a true vocation and mission without excluding the possibility of the total gift of self to God in the vocation to the priestly or religious life.” (Familiaris Consortio, 66). You see, everyone is called to “love Jesus so much!” Rather than the criteria of who is cut out for “real vocations” like priesthood and religious life, the love we have for the Lord is the motivation behind any decision to follow the Lord's invitation that manifests itself through the discernment and choice of a particular vocation.

Author's Note: I have found that some dioceses still name their various offices in ways that can cause confusion if marriage is a vocation. St. John Paul II observed, “it should be noted that in the period before the Second Vatican Council the concept of "vocation" was applied first of all to the priesthood and religious life, as if Christ had addressed to the young person his evangelical "Follow me" only for these cases. The Council has broadened this way of looking at things.” Specialized work to promote and support priestly and religious vocations is necessary. If these efforts implicitly do not view marriage as a vocation, it unintentionally leads to some of the confusion and challenges laid out in this article. I would point with hope to the terminology used on the website in the Diocese of Peoria. Under the “Vocations” tab there are four options. 1. Office of Priestly Vocations 2. Deaconate 3. Consecrated Life 4. Marriage. It seems this phrasing is consistent with St. John Paul II's vision of vocations that holds in proper esteem the calling to "still another love" without neglecting the fact that the Sacrament of Matrimony is, indeed, a true vocation.